Big Decision to Make

We are facing a big family decision that I hope we make soon because it's driving me crazy being stuck in the middle.  I first thought that I wanted to keep our process to decide 'hush, hush' until our final decision was made.  We are seriously considering Home Schooling Noah.

 I feared that our decision may be swayed by other people's opinions, but you know what?  It feels good talking about it.  I'm ready to make that commitment, but Jacques is not quite there and I respect that.    This is common, for the mom to be ready and the dad has more hesitations.  Also, from what I've learned, there will be some people that are fully supportive, some will be violently against it and others will be indifferent.  So we are ready for this, but the bottom line is that WE will do what is BEST for our family and it IS our decision.  

If any of my blogger bud's are in the same process or are thinking about homeschooling, please feel free to contact me - would LOVE to chat with you about it!!!

So you may ask:  


Why do you want to home school?

(this was the 1st question from the consultant we spoke to as well) 


This is a several part answer because it doesn't just boil down to one thing.  There are several factors that have made us decide that this may be a good option for us:  Noah, what I see in the public school system, Christian values, etc.


 Truth be told, it's an idea I've been 'flirting' with for a few years now but it always remained on the back burner.  I was first introduced to the idea in the spring of 2007 when we began reading several adoption books.  Some of them mentioned the idea of home school as a way to transition the child into your family.  I was very intrigued with the idea, and it stayed only an idea.


 In the past few years, I've met several people that home school.  I liked asking questions about why they chose to home school and when the topic of home school would come up, I noticed my ears perking up.  I remained very intrigued with the idea


 Also, in the past few years we have begun attending church regularly, our faith has grown and we enjoy studying what the bible says.  Each morning, Noah & I read daily devotions, but never feel like there is enough time to investigate, search and discover all we want to learn.  So the idea of home school appealed to us in the sense that we could incorporate these biblical lessons into lessons each day.


 Since Noah has been in Kindergarten, he has always had to work at his behaviour.  Not that he was a bully or picked on kids, but in the areas of seeking attention.  He likes to be the center of attention and he's LOUD.  I always took this (whether it was meant or not) as 'he's a bad kid', because isn't it the 'bad kids' that get lots of detentions, teacher's calling home often and even suspensions???  We've seen it all - right down to an in school suspension for 'MOONING' the class (attention seeking).  When the VP called me to tell me, she was laughing.  I kept telling her 'it's NOT funny'!  So each year, we struggle with all the 'Needs Improvement or NI' he gets for behaviour on his report card, yet his acedemics are all average or above average.


After Joshua died, we admittingly 'poured' ourselves into Noah. All of our attention, love and affection. I had always felt like we 'ruined' Noah because he wasn't fitting into school very well. But after almost 4 full years of school now, I don't feel like that. We did what we HAD to do and there is NOTHING wrong with a child receiving THIS much attention, love and affection (unless you put them into a public school system where the teacher had to divide her time amongst 20-30 children).


THIS is who he IS and we LOVE him for who HE is and who God intends for him to be. Though it may not fit well into the public school system, we have faith that God knows what he is doing. We are beginning to realize that he IS a kid who is not fitting into the 'box' that public school needs him to be.  The reason (for me) that this issue is more 'pressing' this year is that I've seen his self esteem being really affected by this 'bad kid' image that he has of himself. This year, I've seen him be picked on for sticking up for other kids that are being bullied, he's been called a 'tattle tale' by one teacher for advising them that another child was being bullied, he's been punched in the face for sticking up for some of the Kindergarten kids (and nothing was 'really' done about this because no one 'really' knows what happened because no adult saw this), etc. It infuriates me, but LISTEN, I do 'GET' that the teachers don't have the time to deal with Noah's constant attention seeking or talking in class, I really do.  But in the same breath, I can't see my child suffer either.  I am his mother and I want his self esteem to grow, not get squished.  I don't want this image to stick and have him start act the part as well. So what next?


 On to the next issue, what I've seen in the public school system (and not only at one specific school).    Since I've been volunteering/working in the school (since Noah began Kindergarten), I don't always like or agree with things that go on in the public school.  I've heard conversations in lunchrooms that make me sick, I've seen teachers 'losing their cool' or saying things that I would NOT want said to or heard by my child and certainly not a way I would want my child to behave, things have happened and no one 'really' knows what went on, I've had to forgo hugs or cuddles because there just wasn't enough time or because I wasn't allowed,  I've heard more swear words than when I worked at a truck dealership,  I've seen more disrespect towards adults than I would ever want to see.  All of these, leave me with a feeling that is just not right.


 I believe teaching is one of the hardest jobs, especially when it is with children you don't even know.  HOW on earth can you know what is best for that child when you don't know them.  It boils down to (just as parenting does) what kind of day is the adult having.  I know that if I'm irritable, or if I didn't have enough sleep, or if I'm dealing with something stressful, I respond differently than if I was not irritable, or if I had enough sleep or if I'm happy go lucky.  I don't expect teachers to be any different...but I don't have to like it either.


 We also began exploring private schools....but this idea soon got squished when I saw just how much money they cost (some cost over $1000 per month).  So, unless I worked full time to pay for them it's not affordable. 


 When I asked God what he thought, I remembered that since I was a little girl I wanted to be a wife, a mom and a teacher.  I remember playing 'school' with my dolls.  I have faith that God intended for this path to be mine!


 Where do we go from here?
-   we are meeting with other families that home school, one on one (before the annual conference) to ask specifics about how it works and what it looks like for each of their families
-   we are planning on attending the Home Educator's of New Brunswick (HENB) annual conference May 28-29 in Sussex
-   once we do all of these things, I'm sure this may help in making our decision