...marks the eve of the day of Joshua's birth (his birthday). Most would be celebrating their child's birth, but each year we mark the number of years since his dramatic entry into the world, then only 17 days later we remember the loss of our 2nd child. This year is number SEVEN.
As time goes by, the overwhelming feelings of emptiness get so much less intense but the one thing I have learned is that that feeling NEVER goes away and you just learn to live with it. There are moments where it feels like it was just yesterday that I held my new baby for the first time. There are moments when I get mad. There are moments that I get sad, especially around this time of year.
This year, it feels a little unexpectedly harder than the past few years. I wonder if this is directly related to the fact that in 2008 we had just moved into our house in Grand Falls (after being apart for 9 months) then in 2009, Isabelle had just moved in 2 weeks prior to that. Both times, life was feeling somewhat overwhelming. So is it 'catch up', or what?
Not sure, but I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight, remembering, crying, moping and feeling sad. I'm going to let the feelings flow and do what I did 7 years ago: put one foot in front of the the other and feel what I feel. I know it will pass.
It's been a few years since I worked on a scrapbook page for my little angel, but tonight it felt right and it calmed this mommas anxious heart!
Happy Birthday baby boy!
To view more of Joshua's memorial scrapbook album: CLICK HERE
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